This is how you engage anxiety; pack it all in a brown bag sis and throw it away; throw it all away; be prepared to meet people, different people and, know that you will most likely be having dinner with them and drink rosé; order something neutral, vegetarian. Make the compromises, you have to put your pride aside. Know that you will discuss; know that you will need to reflect; this is how conversations are conduct- ed; you will need to listen a lot; don’t wallow in your insecurities; this is not how you behave; you will move around, a lot. Know that you will need to contribute some money, and sometimes not. Make the compromises, you have to put your pride aside. Sit in the middle, maybe to the side. Rehearse in your head, rehearse your gestures, don’t laugh too loud and don’t gulp down your drink too fast; don’t eat too little and DON’T EAT TOO MUCH ‘PETUNIA’!; Make the compromises, you have to put your pride aside. You know them, they know you; convince yourself to stay calm; be aware; pay attention and listen; you will be put on the spot; made to think on the spot; or speak on the spot; you will have to come out of your shell; Make the com- promises, you have to put your pride aside. You will never be used to it regardless of how many times you do this; it’s ‘maaklik’, ‘pap n vleis’! Make the compromises, you have to put your pride aside. You will find your feet, you will laugh, they will be pa- tient; they are. Make the compromises, you have to put your pride aside. You always get nervous each time you see people you know; it’s just how things go; Smile, you could engage in small talk; be friendly; exchange a casual smile of acknowledgement; you will be inspired; you will be in awe; you will be a little tough on yourself for catching on later; these things never make sense immediately; tell me that you don’t want to be that girl who lost out because she was too afraid!
First published in the School of Anxiety (SoA): Autopoiesis, Entropy or Redundancy and other terms (2018) A project conceptualised by Moses Serubiri in collaboration with Awuor Onyango, Sanyu Kiyimba - Kisaka and Nyakallo Maleke for the 10th Berlin Biennale for Contemporary Art/ KUNST-WERKE BERLIN e. V.
