shifting between drawing and fiction: Frameworks for becoming and affirmations (excerpt)

excerpt from an unfinished text (non fiction)

I walked past a modest home, where a young mother was interacting with her toddler son, Tshepang (Trusting) – sharing a beautiful moment on their stoep. The little boy was playing freely with innocence, and as I walked closer towards their view, I watched his mother responding back to him with the slight glimmer of light that was left in her. She was struggling with drug abuse because in the township everyone knows everyone’s burdens. I make reference to her because of my inherent belief that all of us are born with hope and goodness. I continue to think back to the mother and assume that something traumatic may have happened to her in order for her to become the way she is - alive but not fully present. Although 2 year old Tshepang and twin sister know who their mother is, I am burdened that his innocence is protecting him from seeing what is happening to her and rightfully so to the woman who is smiling back at him softly.

I was broken by the scene with the mother because the love that her baby boy reciprocated back to her was unconditional and non-judgemental. It came from something that was pure. The mother was frail, and her skin was impacted by the damage of drug abuse and malnutrition as a result of poverty...

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Our bodies speak when they are in distress.our bodies know before our mind can grasp what it is that it is walking into. I was walking in the streets of Bern during a cold winter period (2017). It was the annual Festival that takes place before Lent called Fastnacht, a pagan carnival that stems from villages in the medieval period. it is an event where the locals would dress into costumes that were monstrous in character. I was told then that the intention of these characters is to chase away evil spirits.

I was approached by a holy man of Indian descent who was dressed in an orange robe. We were in a narrow allyway that was packed. Families were moving up and down fulfilling errands in preparation for the holiday season. The holy man, proceeds to stop me and asks if he could speak to me. I agree. My encounter with the man was surreal and unusual under the circumstances but I still sit with some of the insights he picked up from me. he said that I needed to pay attention to my body when it is in good health and to pay attention when it exudes its natural yellow pigment. He said when it is triggered or in distress – my undertone turns red – putting my body in dis-ease. He’d proceeded to communicate as well how the things that I desire are secrets between myself and God…

my mother always says she knows when I am happy. she says she picks it up in the yellow glow of my skin.

… Don’t forget who you are – are affirmations that have been difficult to uphold in physical time. I suppose my creative practice and the works that have been birthed from it in the last few years will continue to be a sounding board. “Find your way”- is a reminder to not lose yourself or oneself, while “shine your light” - implies a need to exude the light that is within; “Tracking 1 and 2” is a call to touch base within, by not forgetting the paths travelled. These are invitations to stay on the tracks.  “Manuscript” a reminder that your story can be rewritten, and “If I ..”is a recurring prompt towards redemption.

This is why I continue to build a connection between drawing and writing (fiction). In the same way that I insist that drawing is a map or, that drawing is writing, it is because the physical act of drawing is guided by a personhood that can only be understood subjectively,(awakening to our own becoming). it is a physical act that visually directs, grounds and compasses how we negotiate co existence, as well as our imagination of it, using a language that is not just verbal but of a visual kind, a formless kind - like a clue that is open to be deciphered collectively in a manner that is not uniform. drawing becomes a manifestation of desires and dreams that point towards sincere and hopeful possibilities of finding a way.

drawing, in the context of my own practice, has revealed it’s shapeshifting purpose as a silent mirror. it is not so much about a skill of achieving likeness, controlling it, but rather, the skill that I am mostly interested in is what it prompts: if we listened to the medium during the stillness, what are the meaningful lessons that we can take from it to import into our own lived experiences? and does this mean that we could unlock the key for meaningful change in our immediate and shared circles?

Fiction is a technique for navigating the ongoing battle of good vs evil. In naming fiction as a buffer zone where goodness and anything light can suffice, is to be doing the valuable work of fighting for liberation. We no longer contain our ideas on a ground level meaning that the desire to see a world free from hurt and pain is not an impossible dream. It is attainable but what other ways are available for us to be able to articulate these things and are they safe?...