I am rotating in this body trying to fit in to it/seeking an alternative Language for Recovering

Lessons from Making: Languages of Recovering

pausing,

to be given back distorted is to ...return.

stay as long as you want.

stay when the things you make remind you that you are home. stay when you are not ready to go. stay when the notations you make echo the things that you long for.

rotating:revolve. pirouette.swivel. alternate. to take turns.

the work.

to be seen by the work. to know that you are loved back by it. That is true love.

Molting: remove. peel off. discard. throw out. radiate.

Meditations on my creative practice (10 years professionally making.)

There is a lot of things that I do not want as part of the fabric of my being. An unspoken non-negotiable, The first buffer zone. I want to make freely in places without the external noise. second buffer zone. The broader conversations were, and still are internal, and not meant to be known.third buffer zone. I have only ever made to soothe what I couldn’t give myself in material form. I wanted to soothe what was uncomfortable in spaces that I adopt into my own. To speak even when I did not want to. To push myself out of corners when circumstances would want to put one there. To reconfigure and bring a gentle ease in my shared lived, personal and creative spaces. To bring security to me/you/us, even when it feels temporary. To bring stillness coming from fragmentation. To release shock. I share my vulnerability in moments where I cannot articulate, in real time, to a public that is always seeking an answer. Answers that I cannot give. Artists see but, we are seers of our own worlds, while others project - outwardly.

Every mark is a wish. My wishes.

Every mark is a wish for existence. A co-existence of sorts, no matter how imperfect, strange, beautiful, grotesque, or other.

untitled: you can not name what does not want to be known.

so when you decode my drawings, politely, don’t observe it only in its entirety. give yourself grace to observe each mark closely, intimately without feeling a pressure to know. interact with the work with your own vulnerability because it asks you to not be perfect but to just be. stand as close to it as if though you were in a conversation with someone you loved, for as long as you want.

Pause, and trust what it is that it is responding back to you with, in silence, is the truth.

away from the noise.

studio adlib: “I did my Best” a vision board 2018 - present

rawness. untreated. unprocessed. undefined.inflamed. sore. red. chafed. unhealed. exposed. tender. sensitive territory.

bleeds. haemorrhaging into loose threads.

seeking barriers. mutating. 2018. new skin. skin barrier. body regenerating.

Backpedalling. Back to Love. Bring it Back to Love

how did we get here? to be given back distorted. falling apart. undone?

adlib: sketch for a speaker/hearing what can’t be heard

Transfiguration I. convert. mutate.recast. transmute. change.alter.

Transplanting: shifting.carrying. modifying. rearranging. relocating.transferring.

percolate.merge with. eating my heart out.oozing

Transfiguration II. change.modify. reshape. renew. reconstruct.transmogrify.remodel

I’d be dishonouring what’s within if I stopped.

I’d be dishonouring what is within if I didn’t return renewed.